In society, we are drawn to the illusory concept and practice of managing time. It provides endurance boundaries for and common adherence to our activities with others. Basically a sense of progression through our days.
As well, the construct of time demonstrates its viability through our events, life stages, and milestones.
How naturally or literally does one manage time? With an eye upon the clock? Our sympathetic nervous system poised to ping? Our juxtapositional scheduled events screaming for top priority?
As we work with time being an actual construct of this existence, it is ultimately bemusing that we have a semblance of control of time.
Then, there appears an inquiry into which aspect is valued higher — the time or the managing of it. This polarity came into clear focus when I taught Time Management in Corporate America. While key points of prioritization had their place in these discussions, my favorite moments seemed to have been encouraging people to incorporate the balancing aspect of “discretionary” time into their lives: when managing could be reduced to a minimum or removed completely. In this way, personally, I experienced the just-so-subtle of sighs released into the room, along with ripples of defiant confusion. How could I be suggesting this diminutive practice as part of the solution?? Where IS the actual time FOR this? Depending on the talent levels, either lively interplay or vague nods would ultimately acknowledge that this topic is one for the holistic life, not just the compartmentalized workplace projecting and meet-ing.
To be an effective facilitator of this time course, one must walk the talk. Walk in with practical experience to add credence and plausibility to the approach. And so, I practiced this for a period…scheduling discretionary time slots here and there…taking baby steps in allowing natural inspirations to emerge and color my world for that assigned timeslot.
It began tenuously – I felt literally quite like a debutante at the ball, coming out into a strange new world. A workaholic being thrown into a sea of floating space to explore my interests. What were my interests? And did I possess the courage to explore and, dare I say, see the re-emerging whimsies as useful in my life?
The polarity of work….then play….then work, etc. was somehow absent in my upbringing. For whatever reason — for another blog — my determination to fill my life with striving, stressing, and success dominated my wakefulness. Since a small girl, really. Yet, I was both an artistic and a soulful girl; one who loved to express the fancifulness of scripts for after-school plays, of stringing beads, and even writing poetry and songs to play on and sing with my tiny Mexican guitar. And one who remained intrigued by the larger universe and its grander purpose for our time here.
While sensing I’d grown out of these youthful fancies, I found myself quite excited to have created a chill hour, where whatever suited me and amused me could be enjoyed again. Most generally, though, what was emerging withIN myself was the need for noticing my soulful and intuitive callings. One could find me most likely in a the Personal Development area of any Barnes & Noble or local library, or singing in a local church choir. These were my “discretionary” dalliances that felt worthy of social approval.
All went well for a while in this fashion. Until the songs became hum drum and the books began repeating themselves. As well, the surprising stress of scheduling “discretionary” time felt so rigid that, for me, this w.a.c.k.e.d. (read: war at core kills, ease dies) approach brought more dis-ease than could be metabolized. The War between the intrinsic light of my inspired Being-ness and the dimmer, un-inspiring Doing-ness drained the soul, began to disjoin connection to Source energy overall. The polarity of controlling the timing versus allowing inspirations became an exercise in futility. Every artist may relate directly to this conundrum! And so, I let that rigid clock-watching practice go after a few years.
It was only when I made a conscious troth – realigning hourly – to allow and embrace all time polarities – scheduled or not – as perfection, to float my Self in and out of the waves of light and dark, did the gauntlets of fear-based control loosen their hold on my inner struggle to be present fully with it ALL. Time constructed or not. There is beauty in welcoming lightly this dance of human duality and polarity perspective, I immerse mySelf into an organic soup of the Now…and then the now…and now again.
Now — in this amazing and breath-expanding now — may you express the organic Self you are, both outside and within the polarity of this human-constructed time thing. Will you share the glorious, gorgeous, shimmery lightness you magnificently Are? Perhaps Time can be a playful partner that is here at times….and not here at others…? (Hmm, that’s for another blog, I suspect.)
What can you…will you…allow into the exquisite moments of your days? Will time be your master? Or can time be a playful partner that provides the stage and waits in the wings, cheering you on..?